


Breaking Hope

by PunkFlame



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Claiming Bites, Dark, F/M, Major character death - Freeform, Post-Series, Romance, Torture, breaking spirit, putting the ship through hell, tragic, vampire!buffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6840079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkFlame/pseuds/PunkFlame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post season 7 angel season 5, Buffy finds out Spike is alive and comes to see him, only her true love being alive is not the only surprise she encounters. </p><p>Angel has lost his soul against and this time tortures the Spuffy duo, made worse by a recent claim</p><p>THIS IS A VERY DARK FIC</p><p>Beta'ed by the amazing sunalso</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this is a very dark fic full of torture, I may raise the rating later, if you are unprepared for a lot of angst and semi-graphic torture stop reading now

Six months have passed since Spike had... since he had died. I have finally been able to get myself to admit it. He died for me, I could have stopped him; it's still all my fault. I could have let Angel wear the damn thing. If I had, then maybe Spike wouldn't have had to sacrifice himself. He wouldn't be gone now and there wouldn't be this gaping hole in my chest. I’ve tried to keep myself distracted with other things, one of them being the Immortal. That's all he will ever be though. After you find true love. And I mean true love, you can’t just let it go. Because once it's gone you will still burn for them. This pain that I keep feeling must be how he felt when I died. Maybe it's false hope but sometimes I dream of him still being alive, somewhere just out of reach but still close enough. But that's impossible, and even if he was alive or somehow back, then why hadn't he come to find me? Did he really think that I wouldn't want to see him? Or that I was really lying when I told him that I love him? If he is alive does he still love me? I had been alone here in Rome and Xander was off in Mexico recruiting Slayers, and Willow and Kennedy in Brazil. Even Dawn was in the boarding school that got set up for the new Slayers. No one was here except me and-

I snapped out of my thoughts as the apartment door banged open and Andrew entered. Only something was up, just looking at him I could tell that he was hiding something. "So how did LA go? Did Angel really let you just take her?" I questioned him with an eyebrow raised. He looked more nervous at that point, if that was somehow possible. He tried to cover his jumpiness with a poorly executed layer of casualness. Anyone could see how he was avoiding my eye contact and trying to blend into the wall as far away from me as possible. "Nothing! Wait, uh, yeah... it went well, yeah, totally great." He regained his composure for the most point when as he continued. "After he saw the girls he seemed fine enough to let us take her." He turned away and shook out his coat, and something silver went flying. I went over to the couch to grab it , but when I got near it I froze in place. It was a lighter. Spike's lighter. "W-where did you get that?" I stuttered out. But Andrew seemed equally surprised to see it there, but not for the reason I was. "Andrew, where did you get Spike's lighter? It would had to have dusted with him, so how-?" And just by the look on his face I could now tell exactly what he had been hiding since he got here. "He's back isn't he?" He nodded with a tight smile. "He came back and he didn't find me or even tell me?" I felt hot tears pricking my eyes. Yes, the love of my life was back and I should be happy, thrilled. But I couldn't be because if he still loved me, why would he leave me here, all alone? "Buffy," Andrew called gently. "I know what your thinking, and he still does love you, he just wanted to be the one to tell you, he said he would handle telling you himself, and told me not to let you know. His lighter here, might be just that. Him telling you. This is your chance, go to him." It's times like this that I remembered how insightful Andrew really was. With a nod I grabbed the lighter and took off for LA.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________

I emptied my pockets and hoped on the next plane I could, over twelve hours later I was in LA and on my way to where I assumed Spike to be: Wolfram and Hart. It was dark out already and it was the middle of the night as I neared the building. But what was my plan? I couldn't just walk in the building, and Spike never had a cell phone. So what was I to do? I got my answer when he stormed out if the front door, grumbling and pissed as hell. I dove in the bushes. 

"Bloody psycho Slayer, why the hell w-" he froze in place and breathed a large breath in though his nose "Buffy?" He questioned looking around. Then he sniffed again and turned to face me, and I climbed out of the brush. It was really him. We locked eyes and almost hypnotically moved towards each other until we touched. 

The two of us stood there like that for who knows how long and only broke eye contact when a siren wailed near by. We turned in the direction of it and in doing so, I put my arm on his, and he winced. "You're hurt!" He gave a tight smile. "S'nothing" the next second his arms were wrapped around me and mine around him. I felt tears freely escaping for the first time in a while and could tell he was crying as well. "Oh bloody hell, I've missed you so much." 

My thoughts then came back in a circle. "Spike, how-"

He let go and held up a hand. "Let me get you something to drink, we can sit down, talk. I'll explain everything then." I nodded and we headed to a café.

When we got there we ordered two café mochas and got settled. "So, h-how long?" 

"Few months, but it's more complicated than that, luv. Maybe I should just start at the beginning, yeah?" When I nodded he continued. "Little while back, I popped up in the big poof's office, straight out of the amulet. But when I got back I was all ghostly, non-corporeal." He stopped momentarily when the waitress brought us our drinks. He took a sip leaving a thin trail or whipped cream on his lip, before he licked it clean. "I wasn't just ghostly though, I couldn't leave LA. As soon as I hit the city limits I got slingshotted back to captain forehead's office. I couldn't touch anything and I couldn't leave." It made sense really, he must have gotten destroyed. But I can touch him now so at some point he became corporeal again, but how? "One day I got a package in the mail, when I opened it it was just a big flash o' nothing, but when I went to walk through a door, I slammed right into it, and I know what you wanna know, why didn't I come to you, right? I I should have and I know that but, I couldn't face you." At the look of confusion in my face he became hesitant, but continued. "I planned on coming over, I really did. Even bought a boat ticket. But I thought that, even though I died. 'M back now. My sacrifice, means nothing. I thought that since I'm back you wouldn't really care to see me, I'm no hero anymore."

Oh God is that really what he had been thinking? "Spike- I would never. I told you that I love you and I meant it. I have you back now and I'm never letting you go again. You are and will always be a hero." He reached out and grabbed my hand. Squeezing it lightly we held eye contact, when it became too intense I broke our gaze and spilled my mocha. His eyes crinkled slightly with amusement as he chuckled. "What?" I asked. He reached out and brushed his thumb across my upper lip, wiping off some whipped cream. We paused a moment before connecting our lips. The kiss deepened and we leaned over the table. Abruptly, with a short hiss of pain, he pulled away. I had almost forgotten. "Spike, what's wrong? That's the second time I’ve seen you in pain, what happened?”

" He smiled meekly and hesitated before saying: " The looney bint cut off my hands-" As soon as he said that my eyes widened and as gently as possibly I wrapped him up in my arms, and held him, freaking out. ."I'm fine, luv," he said taking a step back. "Look,” he continued, flexing his hands and his arms. "All better." We finished our coffee and headed out of the small café. He began pulling on his duster. He was completely avoiding eye contact, looking at anything but me. "I've got a little place of my own, if you want…"

"Of course.” The looked a little surprised to be honest, and that was a bit surprising. Did he not think that I would want to? To reassure him I leaned in close to and he wrapped his arm around me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys with the help of my new beta sunalso I am editing this story to have it be much better, we are working in re making the chapters rn so updates may be slow


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're going to be heating up soon, but not without some more spuffy cuteness

Breaking Hope

CHAPTER 2

“Sorry in advance 'bout the bed, luv," Spike said as we neared the door. He pulled out a set of keys and opened the door to a small underground apartment. I could tell Spike had been living here, everything about the way he made it his said as much. As I walked in I could see what he meant. The bed in the room was small with single mattresses that looked hard as a rock. However, I hadn’t realized until that moment just how tired I really was. But apparently Spike had known the whole time. He scooped me up and lay me on the bed. 

"Is this really happening?" I asked timidly. "Are you really back?" He gave me a look of sadness and regret, covered me up with a blanket.

"'Course luv," he replied simply. 

I drifted in and out of sleep until I couldn't stay in bed if I tried. The problem was, Spike was no where to be seen. While I waited I took a good look around the house where he had been staying. Nothing seemed out if place and something about it the tiny apartment seemed so familiar. It felt like home. The unfortunate thing was that without any windows or clocks it was hard to tell what time it was. Plus my jetlag was really throwing me off.

Not very long after I got up Spike came back with two coffees and grocery bags,meaning it couldn't have been that bright out yet. I couldn’t have slept that long so it must still be the same night. It was a moment before he realized that I was awake, and when he did, he gave me the biggest grin. "Morning Goldilocks!"

I blushed and he threw me his signature little smirk. "Hey." I pushed myself up from where I’d been sitting on the bed and walked over to him in my wrinkled clothing. "I- uh actually didn't pack anything, when I found out I got here as soon as possible." 

He blushed a little. "I'm glad you came, I, uh got you something to wear, actually." I reached into my pocket, fished out his lighter, and handed it to him. He smirked and slipped it into his duster. 

We sat on the couch with our coffee and just talked and laughed, it felt like no time had passed at all. I put my cup on the table and scooted over to cuddle with him. For a while that's all we did. "I've really missed you, Spike. I- I don't want to loose you again," I whispered.

"I don't want to lose you, either luv. Never again." 

I hesitated. "Spike, can I ask you something?" 

He responded with a nod. " Anything, luv." 

I steeled my nerves "When I told you, down in the Hellmouth, that I love you, why did you say I didn't?" 

He took a breath in, but looked like he had been expecting this question. "I told you that because if I hadn't, you never would have left. You would have died there too, and that time you wouldn't have come back." Okay as good an excuse as any. 

"But you do believe me right?" 

He blushed again. "Yeah, luv I do." 

I looked him in the eye. "And do you still like me?" 

He was instantly offended. "Bloody hell, of course I do, kitten, I love you more than anything, you know that." He grabbed my shoulders. "Buffy, luv, what's wrong?" 

I was crying. "Everyone always leaves me. I just don't want to lose you again." He wrapped his injured arms as tight around me as he could. 

"Don't worry luv, 'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here. I'm yours forever." 

I blushed. "I feel the same way. I'm just so scared." It was easy to see a thought pass through his eyes. "What is it?" I asked.

"What if there was a way to be each other's forever? Bound to each other." 

Renewed happiness and hope spread through my chest. "Can we really do that?" As soon as I said that the biggest grin broke over his face and he nodded.

"One thing luv, I just need you to be one-hundred percent sure, as this claim cannot be broken one it is put in place." 

I wanted him to know just how serious I was. "I would never want the claim broken. What we have and who we are together is all I could ever want." 

Holding himself in check he kissed me lightly on the lips and told me what we would have to do. A bite each, drawing blood and vocally claiming each other. We did the claim right then and there. When we were done we simply laid down exhausted on the couch, tangled in each others arms. Before long we both fell asleep.  
______________________________________________________________________________

I woke up quite early in the morning with a huge sense of ease and utter joy. I could feel his thoughts and emotions. It was a few minutes before Spike woke up as well. In that instant I could tell he felt all of me, too. "Hey, luv." We made eye contact and were enveloped by the feel of one another. It was broken by the phone ringing. "Who the sodding hell-" he never finished because he picked up the phone and barked "WHAT?" into it. I felt his slight sense of anger and annoyance boil into a jealous rage and because of that alone I knew who had to be on the other end of the phone: Angel. "No, I'm not bloody well coming in today…I'm sodding busy, that's why…fine, if you really want to know…" Spike looked at me to confirm that it was okay for him brag. I sent him a begrudging approval, and he smirked before saying: "Buffy is here." There was a lot of yelled threats and cursing on the other end and Spike just hung up.

He gave me a sly look and I knew what he wanted to do: show off our new claim to my jealous ex. "I picked you up a few things.” He brought me a couple bags full of clothes and set them down. "I wasn't sure which you would like, but I wanted you to have a few new things for now. if you don't like them we could go out again later and get something better.”

"I'm sure they're perfect, Spike." He looked at me as I blushed. "Right then, I also got you some food, so you look through there and I'll whip something up." I selected a red long sleeve shirt and pair of black jeans. In the other bag I found a black motto jacket, which I pulled out also. I changed quickly in the bathroom. The scent of something cooking wafted under the door. It smelled like heaven. I realized that I hadn't eaten since the morning Andrew came back. My stomach lurched and gurgled.

"Hungry, are we pet?" Spike called. I reddened and walked into the kitchen. I forgotten about that crazy vampire hearing. He dealt some food onto my plate. The meal was an cheese omelet with a generous side of bacon. He poured me a cup of orange juice as I dug in. I inhaled everything and didn't come up for air until every last crumb was gone. I downed my orange juice in one gulp and wiped my mouth. Only then did I look up to see Spike grinning at me with his tongue curled behind his teeth.

"What?" I asked, blushing, though I was pretty sure I already knew. 

"You look gorgeous, even when you are stuffing you face full up, you're just so... perfect."

I leaned over to him and planed a kiss square on his lips before pulling away. "I love you, Spike." He looked so ecstatic to hear that. Happier than I could remember ever having seen him.

“Love you too, kitten."

I stood up and walked over to sit on his lap. "Never leave me again." I said kissing him.

“Never, I'm yours forever." He pledged. 

"And I am yours."

The office was a quick ride away in the car that had special anti-sun windows. The drive itself was pretty great with Spike and I singing along to dated songs, joking around, and continuing to catch up with each other. Though I quickly regretted telling him one specific thing.

"What do you sodding mean they all left?" 

I sighed and tried to explain better. "I haven’t seen Xander since he left for Mexico. Will and Kennedy are off making with the smoochies, and Dawn went off to the boarding school set up for the new slayers." He was fuming and I sent calmness and reassurance through the bond. With a sigh he relaxed. "Really, Spike, it's okay. They all have lives and it wouldn't have been fair to expect them to be hanging around all the time just in case I need them.” He nodded, but he probably just wanted to avoid an argument. 

After a moment he went on to explain what life had been like for him during the past few months and the crazy things he had been up to at Angel's. I thought my life had been odd. His had been jammed full with the unexpected. 

Luckily for us I was very used to the weird and I had expected things to be interesting when we met back up. I knew Angel was going to be mad and jealous when he found out about the claim. All eyes were going to be on us as we entered the building and rode the elevator up.   
I hadn’t expected the building to be empty, and Angel to be waiting for us in his office. He was calm, collected, and nearly gleeful. 

“Hey, Buff,” Angel said. His eyes were dark and bore into me with an unsettling intensity. Something was definitely not right.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in Spike pov just a little going over the events on his side, and a little extra

Breaking Hope

Chapter 3

When Buffy walked back into my life, it was nearly the happiest moment of my existence, second only to seeing her alive again after her fall. But both times I also met with a fair amount of fear. 

Yes, she was here and back, but what would she think of me after all this time? Would she still love me, or had she ever truly done so? She’d already said that she had in fact meant it, but I was still so sodding worried. And not only about that. She was thin, much thinner than she had ever been. I needed to get her eating on a regular basis, but if I was the reason why she had neglected to take care of herself in the first place?

Determined to take care of her I wound up going out before sunrise to shop.

I sighed as I snagged a few more shirts and a few skirts and pants I thought she would like off a rack. I then grabbed her something to eat that I could easily cook. Pushing my worry away, I thought of how much I could rub the fact that Buffy had come to find me, and that she said she still loved me, in Angels brooding face. I could show him, prove to him and myself that my little Goldilocks really did love me, that she’d chosen me over him. 

All of a sudden I realized that I’d left her all alone in my apartment with no note telling her where I had gone, should she wake. Bugger. 

I quickly checked out the stuff, grabbed coffees, and drove home faster than legally possible. I popped back in the door, ready to set the stuff down, only to see her awake and looking around. I was filled with a sense of complete joy, something that’d been a long time coming. I grinned and greeted her. She was as relieved to see me as I was to see her. For a while, time seemed to stand still as we talked and laughed. For the first time in forever I was truly happy. Buffy leaned over to cuddle with me, and I just breathed in her sent, something so perfectly her. How I’d missed it. 

"I've really missed you, Spike. I- I don't want to loose you again," she whispered. 

"I don't want to lose you, either, luv. Never again." The response was automatic, but I had never meant anything more in my life.

"Spike, can I ask you something?"

I responded with a nod, ready to make her certain that her insecurities were false. "Anything luv"

She continued with determination, "When I told you, down in the Hell Mouth, that I love you, why did you say I didn't?"

I took a breath in to steel my nerves. I had been expecting her to ask. I needed to tell her, it was only fair. I looked at her with caring eyes. "I told you that because if I hadn't, you never would have left. You would have died there too, and that time you wouldn't have come back."

She seemed to calm down a little. "But you do believe me, right?" 

I shuffled my feet. Did she really love me that much? Enough to make sure I loved her when she knew the answer. "Yeah, luv I do." 

Her emerald eyes met mine. "And you still like me?" 

She, knew that! Why didn't she realize I still did? After all this time and everything I had done for her- for us? She should know how much I care at this point! "Bloody hell, of course I do, kitten I love you more than anything, you know that." I grabbed her to make sure she would listen "Buffy, luv what's wrong?" She had started crying. No, no what had I done? I had screwed up again. I had hurt her, my precious love.

"Everyone always leaves me. I just don't want to lose you again." 

I felt my chest constrict. I couldn’t let her keep thinking that I would be a git like the others that dared to say that they cared for her. "Don't worry luv, 'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here, I'm yours forever." 

She turned an adorable shade of red as she barley managed to say: "I feel the same way. I'm just so scared." Wait. If she really did, if she wanted to be mine as much as I wanted to be hers, then maybe... no... yes. "What is it?" Buffy asked.

I should tell her "What if there was a way to be each other's, forever, bound to each other?"

Buffy looked hopeful, like she was really in love with me and the idea of the claim. "Can we really do that?" As soon as she asked me I was filled with joy. I knew that she really did care and that she always would. But I needed to make sure, it was only right.

"One thing luv, I just need you to be one-hundred percent sure. The claim cannot be broken one it is put in place."

She was serious when she said: "I would never want the claim broken. What we have and who we are together is all I could ever want."

 

****

When I woke up after all the fun, Buffy was looking at me and I could feel her love and her happiness through the new claim. I sent the same right back at her. "Hey, luv." The claim was amazing. I could feel every emotion she had. I could feel her breathe, and every beat of her heart. 

RING. 

"Who the sodding hell-" I was enraged at whoever’d broken up this moment. I stomped across the flat and picked up the phone "WHAT?" I, of course, was bloody right to be mad when sodding Peaches was on the other end. 

“Spike, don't go thinking I care, but I need you here. Are you coming in soon?" Figures, the git got himself into some sort of trouble again and he needs someone to do the work he doesn't want to.

"No, I'm not bloody well coming in today." 

He groaned. "Why the hell not?" He sounded irritated. Good.

"I'm busy, that's why." Sometimes it was just too fun to piss him off. 

"What have you gotten yourself into this time, Spike?" 

I knew just what would brass him off the most. "Fine. If you really want to know…" I looked over at Buffy, asking if I could brag to the wanker. She gave me a little pout but nodded, letting me have my jealous fun. I smirked before saying: "Buffy is here." 

The line grew too loud to hold next to my ear, so I moved it away as Angel yelled threats. I gave my girl a look. She knew I wanted to show her off in person. Normally, she hates the jealousy between my grandsire and myself, but I could tell she’d put up with a little for my sake.

“See you later,” I drawled and hung up the phone before standing up. Time to get the girl dressed, though a bloody sad thought that was. I cheered up at the prospect of being able to peel her back out of her kit again later. 

"I picked you up a few things." I went to grab her what I’d bought. "I wasn't sure what you would like, but I wanted you to have something for now. If you don't like them we can go out again later and get you something-" I was rambling. 

"I'm sure they're perfect, Spike." She was so noble and kind, always doing little things to make others happy. 

"Right, then. I also got you some food, so you look through the clothes and I'll whip something up." I started on a cheese omelet, and some bacon. When I heard her stomach grumble, I chuckled. "Hungry, are we pet?" I felt her embarrassment through the claim. I gave her the food and poured her some juice. She ate everything in record time, then drank her orange juice. My Buffy, so perfect, so Buffy, even now. 

"What?" She blushed.

"You look gorgeous, even when you are stuffing you face, you're just so... Perfect" 

She gave me a kiss and whispered: "I love you, Spike." She really does, she loves me, after all this time. I never deserved this. Her care, her attention. But now, after everything, I have it and I'm not giving it up. I've finally earned her care. 

"Love you too, kitten." 

She came to sit in my lap. "Never leave me again." She told me, eyes earnest. 

"Never, I'm yours forever." I promised. 

"And I am yours."

****

We climbed into my car and drove to the office. If Angel needs me, I better get on with it quickly. Buffy seemed to have a great time during the car ride there, for good reason, too. We hadn't sung together since the musical and it was just amazing. Well the ride was perfect, until she told me what had been happening to her during the past few months. "What do you sodding mean they all left?" She sighed and tried to defend the traitors who left her all alone in her time of need. Yeah, so I wasn't there, but if I’d knew they all left, I would have been at her side in a metaphorical heart beat.

"I haven’t seen Xander since he left for Mexico. Will and Kennedy are off making with the smoochies, and Dawn went off to the boarding school set up for the new slayers." I was bloody pissed. Her so called 'friends' had done this so many times now, the fools. She sent calming waves through our claim, which made me feel better despite how badly I needed to have a 'talk' with the Scoobies. "Really though Spike, it's okay. They all have lives. We can't be there for each other all the time." I nodded, because my little girl couldn't see that they didn't know crap about her.

To keep her, and my, mind off things I told her about what I’d been up to recently. We finally got to Wolfram and Hart. I pulled up front, but there was no one there. The two of us walked through the empty lobby and to the elevator. We traded nervous glances while the elevator brought us up to the top floor, where Angel’s office was. 

It was plain creepy that the building was so empty. I could feel Buffy's unease and I tired to be reassuring, but sensing her fear was freaking me out and putting me on edge, and that fed back to her and made her more worried. Gah, this was ridiculous. Angel was going to get a piece of my mind. 

I guided her to the office and held the door open for her. She seemed to calm down once she saw Angel, but things were just awkward with the big poof there.

"Hey, Buff," he said softly and she froze. Fear and panic overwhelming her, crashing down in tidal waves, then images swarmed through the claim. Angel in his old apartment in Sunnydale. Him in the factory. Notes and hand-drawn pictures, Red's fish strung together, a dark night in the high school. A kiss. A sword through Angel's stomach, me and the alliance I’d forged with her when Angel had last been Angelus- 

Oh. Oh no. It couldn't be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting started

Breaking Hope

Angel, no, Angelus, regarded us with dark humour as he sauntered over to stand in front of us. He smirked. "By the look on your faces, you’ve figured it out." I felt Spike tense protectively next to me. A growl escaped his throat and he put himself in front of me, shielding me from the threat. Angelus just laughed and turned toward the back of his office and walked over to a small table. He grabbed a bottle before pouring himself a glass of thick, red blood. He walked over to his desk and sat on top. Looking between the two of us he wagged a finger. "Something's different between the two of you, isn't it?" He took a large sniff and smiled. "A claim, well that makes thing so much more fun."

I caught images and emotions pulsing through the bond: pain, panic, anger, protectiveness. The scenes which I witnessed were horrible: gruesome torture sessions hosted by Angelus. Brands, knives, emotional and mental abuse that could break the strongest person’s spirit almost instantly. Memories of Angelus torturing couples before showed him torturing one to get to the other. I was scared, but Spike's grip on my arm just tightened. I’m not going to let him hurt you, pet. Spike's voice came through clearly into my mind. Angelus threw back his blood and grimaced. The pig’s blood was probably less satisfying without his soul. Uncaringly, he tossed his glass to the side and came over to us again.

"I'm not sure if your aware, Buff, but one of my specialties is torture. So I have a treat in store for the two of you." The next thing I knew was that Spike was directly in front of me, pushing Angelus away. Angelus’ vamp face emerged and with a punch threw Spike across the room into a set of sliding doors. I turned to run to him, but strong arms held me away from doing so. I struggled against them until one let go and sharp pain pricked my arm. I instantly felt weak and collapsed. I was thrown like a rag doll against the desk, but ended up propped well enough to see Spike’s demon emerge as he let out an enraged growl. Seeing me laying there on the ground with half lidded eyes, he roared at Angelus and pounced. A blur of punches and snarls later and Spike was in terrible condition. Spike was strong, yes, but Angelus was older; stronger. I wanted so badly to help Spike, to fight against this. But I was barely able to stay awake.

The now unconscious Spike was thrown next to me and I could feel through the bond that he wasn't doing too well. Angelus squatted down in front of me with a leer. "This is nothing. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be begging for death. And once you do ... I'll give it to you, but not in the way you might have wanted." Letting that sink in he stood up and I lost my battle with the sedative.

****  
I woke up with the worst pain in my wrists and ankles, the rest of the agony was spread out throughout my muscles. I was suspended in the air a few feet with my wrists and ankles bound together. My arms were pulled above my head with a chain connected to the cement ceiling, while my legs were similarly chained down, but connected to an iron ball, only there to create extra strain on my body. Shaking off the nausea and dizziness from the drugs I called to my mate. Spike! Where was he?

I looked around. The room itself was concrete, to my left, chained the same way as I, was Spike. He was still passed out after having borne the brunt of Angeluses wrath. I felt my heart constrict at the way my mate was hurt, and the careless way we were just left here. Speaking of, Angelus was nowhere to be seen. The room we were in was empty of anyone else, living or unliving. While we hung in the middle of the room, the rest was filled with table after table of wicked looking torture devices. To my right was currently unoccupied slab of wood that had straps to tie down arms, legs, and even a victim’s head. 

An electric pulse went through me as a heard Spike wake up and the bond come to life. He had a very similar train of thought as I had and snapped his head around, searching the room until he found me. "Hey" I said with I tight smile, trying to keep him calm by sending the emotion through the claim. He seemed to get the message and took a deep breath, but it was for nothing when noticed all of what the tyrant had lain out.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry. I-I should have noticed before it got to this. I’ve been here for months and I never realized his soul was gone. You did with the first thing he said to you. I should have known better."

I listened to his mini-rant and shook my head. "You couldn't have. He is a surprisingly good actor. I only knew because he wanted me to."

Spike looked at me with slight surprise and confusion, "How did y-"

The door banged open, and Angelus came in wearing an evil grin. "Look at that, the pair of lovebirds is up. Now then, are we ready to get started?" He grabbed a pair of medical scissors and cut down the front of my shirt and across the shoulders, removing it and leaving me bare. 

Spike growled, but that was cut short by a slap across the face. We communed our concern through the claim and were lost in it for a minute, and thus we were caught off guard when a sharp tool was dragged down my stomach. Spike’s protectiveness flared up. My blood dripped to the floor. The cold metal seemed to burn my skin as Angelus dragged it down my belly again. I simply thought I was imagining the burning, until the pain intensified to the point that I couldn't breathe. 

"What the bloody hell are you doing to her?" Spike yelled at our torturer, who only laughed. 

"This blade is soaked in a highly corrosive chemical of my own creation, which will burn at her flesh for a good long while. The pain ten times as intense than that of a second degree burn." Spike growled and fought against his chains, but couldn’t break free. 

I tried to stay conscious, I really tried, but I couldn't. I was going to pass out. While I was losing my battle all I could hear was Spike yelling venom drenched insults and the one who was doing all of this to us was laughing. The pain increased and everything else was tuned out. All I could feel was the white hot pain in my stomach that was radiating to my arms and legs. All I could hear was a loud buzzing sound. At that point I'm pretty sure I threw up. The meal Spike and I had shared just earlier this morning was now down my front, mixing with the blood and poison before dripping onto the floor. Black, white, black, white, black. I passed out.

But probably not for long, because when I woke up nothing had changed. I sensed the worry, grief and pain that Spike was feeling for me. I reached out to let him know that I was awake and okay, and turned my head to look into his azure eyes. His concern only intensified as he believed me to simply be putting on a brave front. 

A bitter chuckle broke us from one another, and our heads snapped back to the dark haired vampire. "Well, well, well, I guess I'm pretty lucky that you have that 'advanced Slayer healing'. It sure cuts down on recovery time." His eyes darkened. "Looks like we can have more fun a little quicker." He stood up from his leaning position on one of the tables and strode over to another behind us. The dread of waiting filled us. We could only hear the clanking of metal as he chose what to do next. "I was just saying to Willie…” Annoyance stabbed through Spike at the moniker and Angelus chuckled. "That we’re pretty lucky that your wounds got all cauterized with the acid, and with your advanced healing they’ve already started to scab and heal." He brought a long silver knife in front of us. "We can’t let them stay healed for long. What fun would that be?" He let out a genuine laugh. "Oh, how did I ever forget how much fun this can be?"

I felt apprehension coming from Spike. "Just leave her alone." Angelus smirked darkly and turned to Spike.

“I was planning on it, actually." Spike looked confused until the silver blade was slashed across his chest and he cried out in pain. 

"No!" I jostled my chains, but only managed to reopen the wounds from earlier. Blood dripped down my body and Angelus got a few more slashes in at Spike before he turned to me in vamp face. 

"You know what? You managed to distract me enough to stop, good on you." Angelus put the knife on a nearby table before ripping into my throat with his fangs and starting to suck my blood. 

"Stop, stop! Angelus, she has lost too much blood already. You'll kill her if you keep it up!" In my mind Spike assured me that I wouldn't need to die to get away from this, that we would escape. Angelus let go of my neck after one last pull and picked the knife back up. With a sigh he turned back to Spike.

"No...stop..." I gasped weakly. I felt so useless and weak. I couldn't do anything to save him, or myself. It took everything I had just to speak. In a few minutes Spikes grunts of pain turned into screams as the slashes grew longer and deeper. 

There was one particularly loud yell and I looked over from my slumped down position, only to wish I hadn't. His shirt was torn to shreds and he was bleeding. Everywhere. I inanely wondered what Angelus had done with Spike’s duster. 

It took my pain hazed mind a second to realize that the silver knife was sticking out of his chest. The hoarse screaming terrified me, but there was nothing I could do. Not in this condition. I couldn't save him, so I wept, and pleaded. Nothing I said had any effect on Angelus, other than to make him laugh in glee and continue the torture of my mate. 

****

We were awake all night, unable to sleep feeling each other’s agony. There was nothing that could be said or done to console each other beyond the simple comfort of at least being together. 

The two of us were now starving, and I needed water. Spike would last a lot longer than me without food. I was beginning to think that it would be okay, that our torturer would wait until I could regain some strength. But of course it didn't. Angelus came in during the early hours of the day, or night. I was actually unsure when it was.

"Morning lovebirds, sleep well?" He smirked at us. 

"Angelus, the girl needs something to eat and to drink. She's only human. She'll die if she doesn't get it. Even her sped up healing is delayed without food and water." 

Angelus tilted his head to the side. "Humans are very fragile, aren't they Willie? But the thing is, she's not going to be human for all that much longer." With an enigmatic smile Angelus left. It took a few seconds for what he said to fully sink in to Spike’s head. When it did, he became livid. Screaming, yelling threats, yanking at his chains. But with him hurt and in desperate need of blood he exhausted quickly.

"You know he was just trying to set you off, right?" I asked, trying to calm Spike. 

"Yeah, I guess. He seemed like he was, but also like he would actually do it. I know him and his style, and this is part of it, this messing with your head." 

I was nervous and Spike could tell. He tried to be reassuring be he was just as terrified as I was.

Angelus came back a few hours later with a bottle of water and an energy bar. Spike looked vaguely jealous that I got something to eat and he didn't, but he also looked very happy that Angelus listened to his plea. Of course Angelus didn't actually give me the food. He put it on a table and walked around behind me, returning a few seconds later with a small wooden box. Inside the box was a syringe and a vial of yellow liquid. It looked familiar but I couldn't tell where from.

"You do remember, don't you Buff?" He walked to the other side of the table where he prepped the needle. "Truthfully I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen this, though I know you've felt its effects." Oh. That's what it was. Stupid Crucimentum. 

Angelus turned his eyes to Spike. "You see, boy, when a Slayer turns eighteen, her Watcher pumps her full of this stuff." He held up the needle and walked over to me. "The serum basically drains a slayer of her abilities, making her completely normal. Weak, defenceless, and just what I need, for now anyways." By the look on my face and from the way I felt, Spike could tell it wasn’t a lie. Angelus plunged the needle in my arm and I felt instantly weaker. Hadn’t the effects taken longer to show up last time? He leaned in close to me and whispered: "This formula is a much, much higher concentration. That, alongside your already weak state..." He pulled back and punched me in the gut. I spurted for air and Spike’s anger raged.

"I swear Angelus if you don't-" Angelus smacked Spike and got right up in his face, grabbing it and tilting his chin to look into his eyes. "I'm done screwing around, boy. If you oppose me and what I am doing here, if you say one more word to attempt to stop me, not only will I teach you a lesson-" He jerked Spike’s head over to look at my limp form. "Whatever it is that I'm doing to her, it will last ages longer. And it will be your fault." Angelus chuckled darkly and walked back over to me. "Now that we've got that sorted, I'm done warming up." He looked between the two of us. "Who's first?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, as there is a forced kiss in this chapter.

Breaking Hope

I thought it’d been at least five days since this had all started. Buffy had been suffering the brunt of the attacks. Her arms, legs, and torso were littered with deep gashes, many of which would surely scar. She also had several bite marks littering not only her neck, but also the rest of her body. Those marks were more for my benefit, the shame of seeing the bite of another vampire on my mate.

The long gashes marring her skin had been made primarily with whips and knives. She hadn't woken up in a day or two and I was starting to worry. I heard the clank of the door opening and Angelus walked in. 

"She still out? Wow, and here I thought she was a pretty decent adversary," he asked me around her limp form. "Let's see if we can't wake her up." 

Angelus left the room and came back with a bucket of ice water. He tilted her head back and poured it over her. With a gasp she woke up, sputtering and coughing up the water choking her. There was fear in eyes and she, like me, stayed quiet. We’d learned that. The last time I tried to stand up for her... Well, she just woke up now from that. Buffy was naked and shivering, I was only topless. Our torn clothing laid in shreds on the floor. If she couldn’t dry off she’d be hypothermic in no time. I knew Angelus wouldn't listen to reason though, so I could only watch her suffer. 

He walked over to a table and picked up a wooden box. He opened it to reveal syringes already filled with various drugs. One of the syringes was, of course, filled with the yellow that makes Buffy weak. Every few hours he would give her a shot of it, whether she was awake or asleep. The drug seemed to be effecting her more and more, making her much weaker much faster. 

Angelus picked up the yellow and jammed it into her arm. Immediately afterwards he picked up a second round of the yellow, and I had to do everything I could to keep myself from retaliating to his stupidity of harming her in such a way. Instead of the growl that normally would have escaped me, a whimper did instead. Angelus chuckled at this and punctured her again. He grabbed her chin and looked contemplative before he wrapped his mouth around hers and roughly kissed her. She made a sound of protest and he, surprisingly, let go. "Not as sweet as I remember, but then, who knows where that little mouth of yours has been?" He thinks he can talk like that about my girl and get away with it? A bloody bastard he is and will always be the w- 

Spike don't let him get to you, Buffy pleaded through the bond.

Angelus then surprised Buffy and I again by undoing her shackles. First her arms were undone and he slung her over his shoulder. After that he loosened her legs. She squirmed and tried to get free, but couldn't. He threw her on the ground before asking, smugly: "Do you want something to eat?" It was anyone's guess what he was up to, but it was obvious he had an agenda. She, avoiding eye contact, nodded and put her hand to her growling stomach. "Then come at me, if you want it, fight for it." Under other circumstances this would have been our way out, but with Buffy in the state she was in: weak from a double dose of yellow, dehydration, starvation and the physical beatings, she didn’t stand a chance. Aware of this fact she didn’t move an inch. 

"Aw, c'mon Buff, show me what you got. You always enjoyed our little fights before." She took a step back, towards the right side wall. Angelus took a step forward and mirrored her actions. They continued this until she slammed into a table and he grabbed her over it before tossing her to the ground. "You may not want to fight me," he walked around the table and kicked her in the stomach. "But I really, really want you to know where you stand." He punched her with each word. "You see, if I didn't want you to live, you won't be anymore. If I don't want you to escape, you won't even get the chance to think about a way to escape." He was beating the shit out of her. He turned to me, relishing in my tear streaked face and the sound of choked sobs coming out of me. "Don't think that doesn't apply to you, boy."

She fell heavily and he picked her up by her hair and threw her to where she’d been chained. He restrained her. With a sigh he slapped her across her already mauled face. "Unconscious again, the whore can't even take a few punches." He turned to me. "I'm going to have so much fun shattering you and your little slut." When I didn't look at him or react he said: "Oh, come on, Willie, it's just the two of us, you can talk." I glared in his direction but said nothing. He grabbed Buffy by the neck with obvious intention. 

"O-okay, fine, just leave her alone. What is it you want from me Angelus?" He grinned and pushed her hanging body away from himself. "I just want you to know that this is all you fault. Or maybe I owe you thanks for how I currently find myself." 

I froze. "What the sodding hell do you mean?" He took this opportunity to turn around and pick up a knife.

"Well you see, apparently only one vampire at a time can have a soul. So in your 'earning a soul for her'." He nodded towards Buffy. "You set me free of that broody, goody-two-shoes." He swiped his arm out, slashing Buffy's cheek. No sound came from her. He stuck the chemical-soaked blade in her shoulder and left it there, burning away at her. "If that won't wake her, your pain and screams will just have to do, Spike." He picked up a pair of thick gloves, donned them, and opened a box on the table. In the box was a cross necklace similar to what Buffy wears, only with a bigger cross that most likely was real silver. Careful to not let it touch him, he clasped the necklace around my neck and left it on my chest to burn. I gritted my teeth in pain and managed to only let out a small grunt. He then took a bottle of holy water and filled a syringe. He was bloody well starting to be obsessed with those things, wasn't he? He stuck the needle near my heart and pressed the plunger in. The burning liquid entered my system to war with what blood I had left in me. The holy water moved its way through my body like liquid fire. I couldn't stop screaming. Memories of burning up in the hellmouth flashed in front of my eyes soundlessly like a silent film, no where near as bad as this.

Buffy was awake now. Around the agony I could not only feel her through the bond, but I could hear her screaming as well. She forgot about the 'rule' and begging Angelus to stop. Her pleas were only met with a sharp slap across the face and a twist of the still burning knife in her shoulder. He then left the room, leaving me to possibly dust. He returned a only around minute later. Whistling, he ripped off the necklace with his still gloved hands and tossed the gloves and the necklace on the table. The holy water pain was only barley bearable and screams were still escaping me in short bursts. Buffy was bombarding the claim, trying to see if I was alright. I was close to passing out. I couldn't let myself and leave Buffy alone with our torturer.

I almost no blood left to sustain me. I was beyond starving as the holy water destroyed what little was left. But, of course, this was Angelus' plan. The sharp scent of blood hit my nose, if I hadn't hesitated I would have made an unforgivable mistake. 

Angelus had shoved Buffy’s throat under my nose. I refused to feed off of her. Unfortunately, Angelus had other plans. He held Buffy by her hair and punched me across the face. "I thought you were stronger than this, William. You won't feed off of her? She may be 'your love' but she's still only human, and humans are fragile and weak they always need someone to take care of them, but then again, you've always liked to be a caretaker, haven't you?" He punched me again and again, waking up my demon. It was only a matter of time in my weakened state before I lost control over the instincts of the demon and I sunk my fangs into Buffy. At least my demon seemed to realize that it was my mate and not just food, so as gentle as possible and didn’t complete drain her. 

But she had already lost a lot of blood that day. "With her this weak, I won't be able to have all the fun I want to. With or without the compound she’ll be too weak to last as long as I need her to." With a shrug Angelus slashed my chest deeply and pressed her mouth to the wound.

No, no, NO.

This couldn't happen, not to her. She didn't deserve that kind of existence. Buffy was too alive to be one of the undead. But now, because of me, her heart would stop beating and she would lose the sun.

This was all my fault.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in multiple POV's to better show what's going on.

Angelus’ POV

****

I was getting kinda pissed off. I needed the compound to keep Buffy managed. Without it she would heal too fast and be too strong, and then they might try to escape. Unfortunately, with the serum she was way too weak. Spike was fine the way he was, with normal vampire strength and healing, Which gave me an idea. If I sired her, it would make her weaker than her usual Slayer strength and she’d have less than her usual Slayer healing speed. And, as a bonus, it would push Spike to the edge. But then I got a better idea: If I made Spike sire her, if I left him no other option, then he might just get pushed right over that edge. I injected Spike with holy water and left him hanging there, screaming. I needed to make a call. I did my best to sound like my former broody self.

The phone rang three times before being picked up.

"Hey Dawn."

"Angel?" 

"Yeah, um can you come here, to LA? I heard that your sister is MIA and I think I might have a lead."

"Oh... Um yeah sure, I'll just tell-" 

"Would you mind coming alone, actually? If they all came I'm not sure if the Scoobies and other slayers would let you help, and I know how important this must be to you." 

She hesitated. "Yeah, I guess. I'm not sure how to get there alone, though"

"I can send a plane."

"Okay."

"See you then, thanks."

I called the jet and for an escort for the girl so that she could be sure to get here as fast as possible. The calls only took a minute. When I went back in the room, it was still in chaos. I removed Spike’s necklace and got straight to it. If I wanted her to be awake in time for Dawn’s arrival I would need to act now. 

"With her this weak, I won't be able to have all the fun I want to. With or without the compound, she’ll be too weak to last as long as I need her to."

Not exactly true, but it would cover my real intentions. After forcing Spike to nearly completely drain her, and the look on his face was precious, I cut open a deep wound on his chest and made her drink. She soon passed out and her transformation began. I strung her back up and Spike hung there, tears running down his face. He was far closer to being defeated than before. He didn't even glare at me as I left the chamber.

I knew that when Buffy opened her pretty little eyes, I would quickly break her. Not only had she become what she hunted; but her first meal would be her sister.

_______

 

Dawn’s POV 

I got a call last week from Andrew, telling me that Buffy had gone to LA two days prior to find Spike, who was somehow back alive-ish. He was kinda concerned because he hadn't heard anything from her since and he thought maybe something happened to her. I wasn't really that concerned, if Spike was really back, she would probably be spending every moment with him. Sooner or later she’d come up for air. 

At the end of that last year in Sunnydale it had been kinda obvious that she loved him back. I'm not sure if she knew that she loved him. After he died she sure as hell did, it hit her pretty hard and I almost didn't go to the boarding school. I wouldn't have if Xander hadn't talked me into it. 

He’d argued with me. Telling me: “I never liked fangface, but if we don't give her time and room to move on and, to be blunt, get over it. Then she might never be able to.”

I wanted to be there for her, but he was right. Time seemed to work great! She appeared to be a lot happier after a few months. She went out dancing again, she even got a new boyfriend! I should have known that she was not fine though. 

Eventually, the plane from Wolfram & Hart came and I ended up with the most boring trans-Atlantic trip ever. I had nothing to do! The TV on board didn't even work. Like, what kind of private jet has a non-functional TV? Urgh. I ended up just having a nap and raiding the human food out of the fridge. I almost snuck one of the tiny alcohol bottles before I realized that Buffy would totally be able to tell. 

Hours and hours later the plane arrived at LAX and I was switched to a helicopter. It landed on the top of an office building, probably Angel’s, and I was escorted down to a car by a tall man in a suit and sunglasses. Ok, well, that was way to obviously, um obvious. A mysterious man dressed like secret ops? Though if he worked for Angel he couldn't be totally evil, right? 

The man who escorted me stayed silent the entire time. He opened the car door for me and I slid into the lavish limousine. As soon as I sat down, the car pulled away. I guess Angel was at his house or something.

The car-ride twisted around more turns than I thought possible and went on long enough that my mind started wandering. In movies when someone is captured, doesn't the person who took them drive around so the person being kidnapped can't keep track of where they came from, and where they went? I looked out the window to see if I could recognize anything familiar, but the tint was so dark I couldn’t really make anything out. And the switch to roll the windows down didn’t work. Ok, maybe I had a reason to freak out now, or maybe I was just over reacting. For sure, if vampires were riding in this limo the windows would be seriously tinted. I had to be overreacting, right? 

The trip lasted about half an hour, maybe more, and when we arrived the driver took a call. I couldn't make out what he was saying. A few minutes later he opened my door to... the middle of nowhere, an actual field. The driver was similarly sized and dressed to the man who’d escorted me. The only difference was that this guys was a vamp, full faced. 

Okay, well it was suspicious, but there was no way that Angel could be evil again if Spike was back and with him, right? If Spike was there, then in the brief time Buffy had been in LA there was no was that he would let Angel and Buffy get close enough for there to have been a moment of, erm, happiness between them.

The vamp driver looked at me expectantly and I closed my door before following him. “Um, guy I don't think this is where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to meet Angel. He knows something about my sister.” The vamp just smirked at me and walked further out into the field. From my jacket I pulled out a stake I had hidden, and followed. Why the hell was Angel’s driver leading me into the middle of nowhere? We got a long way into the field before the vamp abruptly stopped making me slam into him. “Hey, what the heck?” He turned to me, yellow eyed, and growled before he shot out a fist, knocking me out. 

I woke up in a cold room that had to be underground, and looked around. Nothing and no one was there. It took me a moment before I said: "Did Angel set me up to be captured?” Urgh, okay, I could ignore some of the stuff, but I wasn't that stupid. I knew something was up. Angel must have somehow lost his soul again, leaving him evil and probably using me as some kind of bait or leverage against Buffy. Damn, that couldn't be good. I was sure, however, that Buffy would have already known. I was sure that she would find me. It never once occurred to me that her being 'missing' was because of the undeniable evil that was probably lurking nearby.  
\-----

Spike’s POV

"Buffy, Buffy luv wake up." It had been hours, nearly a day by now and I still couldn't believe what’d happened. If Angelus planned for this, then he must have had a reason for it. I needed to make sure that she would wake up okay. Based on who she was as a human I thought and hoped that she would have a similar personality and that wouldn't have a huge change in who she was when she became a…a…vampire. 

Yes, I had been a vampire for a long time, but this menial existence is not something that she deserved to get dragged into. It could be all consuming and I would never have wanted her to be influenced as I had been and lose herself.

I steeled myself to look at her, to try to wake her again. This in itself was torturous and I suppose that was the point. Leaving me here with her current corpse-like self just hanging there next to me was almost more that I could take. 

All the colour had faded from her body so it was nearly as pale as mine, and chalky. What remained of her blood had seeped out of her body a good while ago to crust her skin. Her head wounds had stained her honey coloured hair and matted it into huge knots. Her eyes here still open and glazed over completely, looking like glass. Her lips were slack, hanging open, and tinged blue. She looked like death, and it cut me to the very core. 

"Buffy, c'mon luv." She remained still and I felt tears running down my face again. “Buffy, please you have to wake up, you have to be alright. If you're not, because of me-“ A shuddering sob escaped my chest. “Just return to me, please, I only just got you back.” I needed to know that she was alright upon her wakening, but did I really want to see what she’d become?

****

Five hours more passed until she woke up. At first she scrunched her eyes up, but when I called to her again she groaned, and opened her eyes. She looked around and let loose a gasp and involuntarily, and most likely unknowingly, switched into gameface. Her now golden eyes darted around before landing on me. Seeing her this way almost stung more than seeing her dead. It hurt because she had truly become what she stood against and had given her life to stop, twice. She had become the evil her day-to-day life was ripped apart by. The thing was, she was still beautiful, gorgeous. Perfect in every way. Maybe it was simply some primal thing awoken inside of me because I was her Sire. I needed to help her, to protect her. I needed to be hers, which I reminded myself I was, because of the claim. Maybe that's all it was. The claim, still pulsing away. 

And oh God. I could feel every new emotion and desire that came with being newly Sired. Anger, fear, desire. The hunger, the utter starvation moving though her. Her dry throat. The aching, seething need for blood erupting throughout her entire being. 

"Spike? What just happened, why do I feel so- why do I want…." She stumbled on her words and trailed off. Her eyes glazed slightly as she looked away as memories began to return. Hesitantly she trailed her tongue across her fangs. "Oh, God." She returned her eyes to me, seeking confirmation. 

I tried to look away not wanting to disappoint her, but she simply repeated her "Oh, God." I waited a moment, gathering my courage, before looking at her again. "Buffy, luv how are…how do you feel? Are you okay?" She gave a tight little smile and I thought she was reassuring me, until she bowed her head and turned the same expression to the floor. Her game face slid off and her face was clouded with pain.

"Buffy, please say something, look at me." And she did. She turned her emerald eyes to mine. "It just feels so different" she blinked a few times. "So different, but still the same. It's almost like when I was first Called: a sudden new burst of power, enhanced senses. That's all the same but, well, this has something extra." She flashed her eyes gold at me and laughed bitterly. "The power even feels similar. That's the demonic-ness of it all I guess. That and the need for… the hunger. Honestly, it just feels right.” I certainly wasn't expecting that. At first she seemed so upset, but now it's as if she’d completely flipped on it. A wave of hunger coursed into me from her.

"Hungry, are we pet?" She nodded and looked like she was fighting her inner turmoil. “Well, we’ll have to hope that he comes around with something for you soon, eh?” She turned her head to smile a semi-forced smile at me. Then her gaze wandered and she looked lost in her thoughts again. "Buffy luv, what are you thinking?"  
___________

Buffy’s POV 

I felt like hell. My neck was killing me, my whole body ached, I was freezing, and, oh yeah, I was starving. Other than my physical unease the first thing I noticed was a major metallic smell. Was that there before? Why was I overwhelmed with the smell of copper and wet stone? It also smelt and felt physically like… Family. The feeling was almost like the vampire tinglies. But I didn’t have vampire family, so what was up?

Drip, drip, drip. 

Was that water? Why was it so loud? Behind the loud dripping I vaguely heard someone calling to me. I opened my eyes and instantly noticed that the once dim lighting of the chamber seemed at the perfect brightness now. Did the bulb blow and Angel replace it or something? Whatever. I looked around and sought out what the dripping could be. To my right, water trickled down the stone wall onto the concrete floor. Well that would explain what I smelled, but not why it was so intense. By looking at the wall it as easy to tell that the water had been going down that wall like that for quite some time. I could see every little crack in the wall, the slimy moss like texture. Majorly weird. I turned my head to see Spike. Oh, he had been calling my name, and now he was staring me to death. Made sense, no on else cared enough to have lasted this long with me, or to even be near me, they no longer mattered…whoa, what? Yikes uber-dark thoughts there, Buffy. Maybe calm down a little. 

A voice in the back of my head continued to whisper, telling me that it was true enough, that they didn’t care, or matter.

This was getting kinda creepy, what the hell was going on? I turned towards Spike again and took a better look at him. Something was different about him. His hair looked way curlier and out of control. It was as if I could see every individual hair on his blood matted head. Wow, there has a lot of blood on his head, tinting his hair pinkish. I almost laughed at the absurdity of my bad-boy boyfriend having pink hair. His cheek bones seemed sharper and were bloodied from numerous slashes. If I were free of the chains I could just have walked over there and licked them clean. That would have surly gotten some reaction out of him, but he was looking at me with concern. It was enough to snap me out of whatever the hell that was for the time being. 

God, was I hungry. It felt like I hadn't eaten in months, no, years. Not only that, but I felt I different kind of empty. I honestly didn't care about my so-called friends, who’d abandoned me, or about whatever the hell they thought they had done for me in the past. The only one I could honestly say I really cared for at that moment was my vampire. The sense of things being strange was still plaguing me. What had happened? I was sure my mate would know, there was no reason for him not to.

But watching him looking at me confused the hell out of me. He seemed in pain, but also full of wonder and awe. However, it was concern that clouded his eyes, overpowering the other emotions. It rushed through the claim. It was good to know what ever was up hadn’t effected how he felt about me. 

Something was different about me though, I could feel it. It kinda felt familiar in some odd way. He would know what was wrong. I struggled to find a way to say this that wouldn't freak him out completely "Spike? What just happened, why do I feel so…why do I want…." No. It could t be. The memories flipped though my head of what had happened only a day and a half before. The familiarity that I felt flashed back to my first year at Sunnydale High, when I’d experienced being my worst nightmare. I was a vampire, a soulless creature. I was now no better than what I hunted. The scary thing was that my fangs felt right, and it wasn't just them. My entire being felt at peace, and like this was how I was supposed to be. 

I had to tell Spike about this. I knew he would freak, but he had to know, if we were really going to stick together with forever being forever now. It’s not like I could hide it. 

"Buffy luv, what are you thinking?"

A lot, if I wanted to be honest. “Hungry.” I replied instead. Wasn't untrue, to be fair. 

“Yeah love, I understand, but I got that already, what's really wrong?” 

I sighed. “Knowing him, Angelus won't just bring me just anyone to drink. I'm just wondering who it's gonna be.” 

Spike looked distressed at that. “You're right, I just hope it's not someone too important to you.” It took all that was in me to not laugh out loud. The only person other than Spike that meant anything to me at that moment was Dawn. If he managed to pick the right person, instead of choosing one of the others, then I might actually be surprised. Though if he brought me Dawn to eat, I wasn’t confident that I would be able to stop myself. I think Spike knew this, which is why he looked extra on edge at the moment. After all, I wasn’t the only one who cared for the girl.

Whoever he brought me, I just hoped it’d be soon. 

****

Time seemed to drag on forever and my hunger only consumed me further, taking me over to the point that I could no longer stand it. The pain in my throat and stomach was excruciating. I couldn't even form real thoughts anymore, the pure need for blood had taken away being. Spike was doing everything he cold to keep me calm and as much like ‘myself’ as I could be. He was whispering soothing words in a calming tone, and he was sending the same emotion through the claim. After awhile he began humming a tune that sounded vaguely familiar. 

I may have lost my soul and become undead, but I still had my mate. At that point I truly knew that he would be by my side no matter what. And I would be by his, except things were swapped now, weren't they? He was a souled champion, and I was the soulless one abandoned by all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS HAS VERY GRAPHIC TORTURE AND YOU SHOULD PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Sorry guys I have had really bad writers block! I am getting over to but chapters may be slower now (also because of school workload). Enjoy this chapter!

 

Dawn POV 

Days. It had been days from what I could tell, though I had no real way of knowing. There was no natural light or clock. All I was sure of was that Angelus would come to visit me what I guessed was once a day. He would have me beg for the little water that he gave me, but never any food, not to mention clothes. I had them at one point but all I had was now gone.

Anytime he visited me he would get 'creative'. Sometimes he would use whips, sometimes it would be knives. He would even bite me, without drinking much, simply to hurt me. 

He’d had his fun a total of five times so far, but he hadn't shown up yet 'today' and I was getting anxious. 

He’d called me in Rome, saying that he knew something about Buffy, but after this time I still hadn’t seen her, so... Was she even alive? And if she was, and I was getting this kind of treatment, what was happening to her? And where was Spike?

BAM.

The door to my cell opened and Angelus sauntered in, swinging around a foot-long sort of stick-thing with two tines on the end. 

"Hey there Dawnie! How have you been?" he mocked. "I've got a surprise for you today, I think that it's…extra special," he continued darkly. He took a step back from me and flipped a switch on the rod and the two tines sparked to life. 

"W-what is that?" I barely had the strength to ask. 

"This?" He looked at the weapon in his hands with fake speculation. "This here is a cattle prod." And with that answer I felt my heart skip a beat and my blood run cold. "What's the matter Dawnie, afraid of a little shock?" I didn't even get a chance to glare before he drove it into my bare stomach. 

What felt like ages of electric pulses was really only mere seconds before he moved it away. "Oh, and don't forget, I love screamers." 

He jabbed it back to my stomach and dragged it across back and forth burning and ripping the skin in its wake. He then moved it to my chained arms and held the prod near the chain using it a conductor to shock around both my wrists. He repeated shocking my wrists for what seemed like hours laughing gleefully the whole time as by body twitched and jerked. 

Growing bored, he dragged it down my breast before putting the two tines around my nipple, turned up the electricity, and pressed the button. My entire body felt like it was on fire. Wave after wave of pain hit me. Just when I thought it was over, he switched sides. I passed out. 

I woke up with my torturer standing above me. "Oh, Dawn, this was just so much fun, but you fell asleep. I wanted to make sure that you wouldn't miss too much, so I waited for you." 

He picked the cattle prod up off a table and bent down close before shortening the staff part and turning the electricity back on. 

The darkness in his eyes was overwhelming when he dragged the weapon across my cheeks and down my neck. I was crying. If this monster was around with no one to stop him, he had to have done something to my sister and Spike. I really was all alone. 

He roughly grabbed my bleeding, burnt face. "Oh, no giving up yet, Dawnie, we’re just getting started."

****

Spike POV 

Buffy wasn’t doing well. It had been a few days since she had been turned and she’d gone from seeming to accept her new nature to being unable to deal with it. 

From the time she was called at such a young age, she was told that vampires were dark and evil. She was taught that they couldn't have emotions and feelings, were less than animals. This mentality probably helped with the Slaying, and I suppose that's what kept her nobility strong throughout the years. If she only thought she was killing mindless monsters, rather than creatures with an inner life not much different than her own, then it was much easier for her to end them nightly.

I could feel her self-doubt and fear. I could tell even without the claim that she was afraid of falling into the dark.

I tried to find a way to reassure her. 

"I'm fine Spike." She said. She must have know my intentions through the claim. 

"Buffy, I know what your feeling, I went through the same thing, I know what it is like to find this darkness nipping at your heels." I looked at her to gauge her reaction and was shocked to see, and feel, a layer of thick anger. 

"No! You don't understand, Spike. This is different, I’m different. This is what I fight. I’m staring into the blackest evil and finding that it’s me. The demonic power feels like…nothing. I should know it’s dark and evil and wrong! I- I don't want to be evil, Spike, but if I can't distinguish between the evil thoughts and the normal ones, what's stopping me from being the next big bad?" She finished her rant looking exasperated. Tears were running down her face.

"Oh Buffy, luv." I reached out to her through the claim, offering reassurance before I could find the words. "Buffy, first and foremost, the person you were as a human is what makes you who you will become in unlife. Your values, your morals, will still be with you in all but the most extreme circumstances. You can still control who you are and who you become for as long as you want to. When I was first vamped I was nearly exactly as I was as a human, all care and poems, until I forced into becoming the monster you knew." I looked at her solemnly.

She stared back, unblinking. “Angelus.”

"Yes. The same fiend who’s got us trapped here, but Buffy, my love, when we get out of here, I will be the one to help you stay true to yourself. I’ll make it easy for you. You know I was myself before I ever got my soul. I can teach you that.” I pushed hope into the claim. "We’ll figure out a way for you to get you soul, if you want.” I sighed. I couldn’t tell if I was getting through to her or not. “The point, luv, is that I will help you and stand by you with love no matter what you decide to do and no matter what happens to us here. You, my love, are the most heroic, self sacrificing, good person I have ever known and nothing will ever change that." I finished with a look over at Buffy who now had tears running quicker down her face, but through the claim I could tell that they were tears of happiness rather than of fear or grief. 

That was all she ever needed, someone to take care of and watch over her. She hadn’t got that from bloody Peaches, and she sure as hell hadn’t from Captain Cardboard, either. I would never leave her without a shoulder to lean on. I knew I would always be here for her, till the bitter end. Even if the end was going to be here in this very room.

BAM.

"Evening, children, how are you this fine night?" Angelus drawled. I felt Buffy tense beside me and I instantly knew why: blood. The scent on blood was sharp and vivid and it was easy to tell whose it was: Dawn’s. 

No. No, it couldn't be. Not that it didn’t make sense. Angelus had to have known that capturing Dawn would hurt me as well as Buffy. 

That's when it hit me. She wasn't here just for torture against us. She was for Buffy, who still hadn't fed yet. 

He walked over to Buffy, who had slid into her vampire visage beyond her control. Angelus held up a hand covered in her sister’s blood. Her eyes darted to it and she did all she could to rein in her demon. She was doing surprisingly well for a starved fledge. 

Angelus smeared some of the blood under her nose and then on her lips. She could resist and darted her tongue out to lick her lips clean. Her face was filled with pleasure. When the blood was gone her golden yellow eyes snapped open and she stared with naked need at Angelus' blood covered hand. Angelus chuckled before bringing his hand to her mouth and one by one slipped his fingers into her mouth. 

She licked them clean. He smirked before walking over to a table behind us and picked something up off of it. The suspense of what he would do next was cut short when a white hot pain exploded in my lower back. I couldn't feel my legs. No, not again. I couldn't be paralyzed at a time like this, not when I needed to do all I could to help Buffy. 

I was then taken down and cuffed before I was thrown against the wall near where I’d been chained. I was then helpless when Angelus brought in a naked, bleeding, and badly burnt Dawn. 

Bloody hell, what had he done to her? Dawn’s stomach and chest were the worst: covered in numerous burns. When she began to look wildly around I could see that her beautiful face was charred as well. Lashes, cuts and bite marks dotted the rest of her skin. The bastard had put his teeth in her. Oh, Nibblet, I’m so sorry. 

It was only a few seconds until she saw her sister.

"Buffy? Oh my God!" She turned to look at me. "Spike? Why are you just sitting there?" Dawn continued to squirm in Angelus' grasp while Buffy was fighting to get control of her demon. Seeing this, Angelus shoved Dawn towards her and quickly unchained the vampires, who snapped her head towards her little sister and surveyed her with gold eyes. 

"Buffy? Oh my God, y-you're, no..." 

I could tell that all trace of the Buffy I loved were gone at that moment. The claim was dead a quiet, closed to me.

The vampiress in front of me cocked her head and prowled closer to what would become her first meal. I couldn’t look away. I was to watch, helpless, while my noble warrior was to devour her own sister. Her demon was completely in control, but later, Christ, later…

This was Angelus' greatest torture yet. This was worse than any physical pain he could inflict on me. The fact that even Buffy, the strongest willed, most noble person, demon, anyone that I had ever met was unable to overcome the primal, instinctual need for blood that every vampire faced as a fledgling. 

It was over in a few seconds. The heart wrenching cry of pain and betrayal that echoed through the cell would stick with me forever. The thud of Dawn’s body against the floor would never leave me. And the ear piercing wail of despair from Buffy when she realized what she had done would always serve as a reminder to never, even after all this time, underestimate my grandsire. 

Buffy was strung back up, but I was left lying there, useless, on the ground.


	8. Chapter 8

C8  
Ok, gang this is a little recap with a bit of perspective from Buffy's side of things, the demons side of things, then we're going to get started.

*****  
The smell , oh the smell. There was nothing like it. Coppery and light, but oh so inviting. When the smell hit me I instantly needed it. There would be nothing keeping me from my meal. I got to sample the smallest amount and I was sure that I would dust if I didn't get more soon.

The scent got stronger and I laid my eyes on it: my meal. The heavenly scent was still penetrating me and making my entire being reach out for it. The one whom I would drink was a young, pretty girl. The way that she looked at me was like she knew me. I wondered where from. The wave of blood scent found me again.

Blood. Blood is life, it is what makes humans live, what keeps their souls anchored to their pretty little bodies, I knew that without the blood inside the shining soul would go fluttering away. So sad. But I was hungry. 

The one who’d given me the blood was approaching me. From him I felt some sort of familial connection. I knew I was of his kin, so I let him near me because he must be safe. He detached the chains from my wrists and ankles and I landed on the floor. 

The pretty little-girl was shoved towards me and was looking at me with confusion and fear. Her eyes shifted over to the side and she looked at... my Sire. He was sitting on the floor, gazing at me with sad, pleading eyes. It must have been troubling to him that I hadn't taken my first meal yet. I would show my Sire how strong I was, that I was a worthy Childe. 

I stepped closer to the girl and she tried to run away, but the other vampire held her in place. Why, pretty girl, do you not want to be a part of me? She was shouting, asking me questions. But why? What was she saying? I looked at her in confusion. Without another thought , I lunged. She screamed, at first. I drank all the blood I could get out of her body, every last drop.

Her blood on my tongue was pure bliss: smooth and filled with all I could ever want it to be. I could taste her fear and anguish. The blood was rapidly refilling my strength and energy as it ran down my throat. I dropped her to the ground and took a step back .

All of reality came back to me.

I screamed in horror. "Dawn, Dawn no. Dawnie," I knelt next to my sister and began shaking her desperately, trying to wake her up. "Dawnie, please, wake up." I held her and wept, but all too soon , Angelus ripped me away from her and chained me back up, leaving Dawn on the floor.

Dead.  
***

Spike POV 

"Please, Buffy, say something it's been almost a day.” No response came from her. All she did was what she had been doing for hours: staring. Not at anything in particular, just zoned out and eyes glazed over, almost in a trance. 

“C’mon luv, please.” I sent reinforcing feelings of care and love through the now active claim. Which really had me think ing. Why was it not working when she was under her demon’s control? If anything , it would make more sense for me to be able to reach her better that way. Had she been ignoring me, lost in her pleasure of her first kill, regardless to who it was? 

“She's gone now Spike, she ’s flown away and left again, like they all will.”

“What was that luv, what do you mean?” I wasn't liking the sound of that, she seemed disjointed, like her mind was not even with her. I really hoped that being forced to do that hadn't ripped her apart inside, and made her lose herself. Though if we didn't figure out a way to get out of there soon, Angelus’ plan would come to a close quick ly and she might just become so broken that she would completely lose her mind.

Buffy sighed. “Everyone leaves me Spike, someway or another and now little Dawnie has gone away forever, maybe she will be happier though,” she said before turning her entire body the best she could to look at me, straight in my eyes. “Did you see her when she first got brought in here? She was so upset, maybe she's happier now…” 

When she trailed off I looked at her only to find that she had passed out again, and I sighed. 

“My sweet Buffy, why did this have to happen to you?” 

It was only a few minutes before she woke back up, and turned to look at me with determination, she took a deep, unnecessary breath. 

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

"W- why did you lie to me? You told me that I will be able to control myself, that I am what I make myself, but I- I killed her, and I couldn't control myself at all, it was like watching through someone else's eyes, but I almost… liked it.” 

“Buffy…” 

“I’m scared Spike.” 

A wave of guilt and sadness hit me, and I responded, "I know, Buffy, luv , you can control yourself, under normal circumstances, but this is not one. The fact that you are a fledge alone would make you lose control of any bloodlust, but the fact that you have been deprived up untill this point pushed you further. I’m not sure if I could have stopped myself from losing control, there was nothing you could have done." 

She let out a humorless laugh. "That may be true but how is that better, you're what a hundred and thirty by now; and even with all that age and experience you still don't think that you could rein your control, how could I ever hope to?" 

Instead of answering her directly I thought for a second and responded in a different way. "You are special Buffy, I have said it before in a million different ways. You are so pure, so noble, so pure, that even this will not hold that virtue and righteousness from you, in time, once we get away from this evil that we are tortured by here, you will have the opportunity to be the you that I know you are, the you we both know, or you could even reinvent yourself, Buffy , you can and will be anything you want to be, but when we are here you don't have that opportunity you need to try, learn , and grow. You can be anything you want to, and I will help you, luv. You can do anything you want, I know that first hand, you stubborn bint." She didn't even respond."Buffy, hey listen to me: you told me once that you believe in me, let me now believe in you." 

"So why are you chained on the floor?" She asked looking at me with some worry. 

"Angelus, he , uh, split my spinal cord, I can't get up." 

“What?" She shouted her question at me and her feelings of concern and anger flooded through the claim. 

"I'll be alright, pet, remember this happened before, all those years ago." She looked confused for a moment, then guilty. "It's fine luv, it's long in the past, lets focus on the now, yeah? You're probably pretty tired, why don't you get some rest?" And she did, she slept for hours. But I couldn't make myself 'cause in that time I mourned Dawn who’d been like a younger sister to me. This young girl had seen the good in me when no one else had. She may have been fabricated memories for the most part, but I had truly cared for the girl. The fact that she was still on the floor made me infuriated at Angelus' disregard and utter lack of respect for the life that Dawn had lead. 

 

***

“So kiddies, I have so much fun planned for today!” Angelus said regarding us with malice.

He walked over to one of the tables behind Buffy and shuffled around , grabbing a few things. When he turned around he was holding… copper wire?

Oh bloody hell, this couldn't be good. 

He turned to my Chi- Buffy, and took her down, fighting against him, and strapped her to a table. Her arms, legs, and head were tied down as she continued to fight pointlessly against what would be coming. Seeing that she would stop fighting once she tired herself out , Angelus took a step back and grabbed a medium sized, hard, black, plastic box off a table, brought it over and placed it on a smaller table near Buffy's head. 

By the time that he had done this , Buffy had tired and was laying still on the wooden table . Angelus had uncoiled the wire and had begun wrapping it around my mate. 

He wrapped it around her legs and ran it up and down her sex. God, no. He then wrapped it around her torso and each of her breasts before finishing it off by tying it around her neck, leaving about a foot and a half left on either end of the wire. He ulled the ends back and attached them to the box which was, bloody hell , a generator! 

I nearly called out, or did something to aid her, before I remembered what would happen if I did.

Buffy's body became rigid as she was violently shocked, and she just screamed, she screamed like I had never heard her before, and soon, but not soon enough, the screams faded to match my own sobs. The tears that stained her face were met with Angelus, the Monster, turning up the amps on the machine. 

Buffy luv please, I'm here, it's going to be all right, this pain will end, just hold on there pet. I also sen t through some calming emotions and proof of my care for her.

Regardless, her screams seemed to go on for hours, as I sat there, nearly unchained, but otherwise helpless to save her from this torture. 

The hum of the machine soon ceased and the pain that I felt both through our claim and through the Sire-Childe bond now ebbed to a much lesser hurt. 

Ring. 

Angelus’ phone went off, he looked at the ID flipped it open and barked into it, “What do you fucking want? thought I told you not to disturb me when I'm working!” The garbled response that he got back made him momentarily freeze before he realized that we may have noticed. 

He angrily snapped the phone closed, and spun around. 

“Okay, children, looks like we ran out of time for today, don't worry though, I'll be back soon.”

He quickly strung Buffy back up before walking out of the room.

***  
Andrew POV 

Eleven days. It had been eleven days since Buffy had left and not even a word. 

A few days ago, maybe three, Dawn got a phone call to the house. I picked up the other line and listened in.

I'm glad I did it now, but when I had done it I felt bad for snooping.

What was Angel talking about? He had to know where Buffy was if she made it to LA to find Spike, didn't he? And the way he tried to make sure that she would come alone was super suspicious. Everyone may think that I'm some idiot, but I know when something is not right.

I had heard that in the past Angel had been evil, so I called in the troops.

Knock, knock

I opened the door to my apartment in Rome, and in came Giles, Willow and Xander. 

“Hey guys, thanks for coming.”

I explained the situation to them and they all seemed to agree that Angelus appeared to be back.

"So then how are we going to save Buffy and Fangface Jr. from his elder and apparently evil again counterpart?” Xander asked 

“You're up for saving Spike? I thought you hated him,” asked.

“Well, you saw Buffy when he died, and besides, we've got bigger, eviler, fish to fry.”

“Right then,” started Giles. “I think I know what we can do.”

The plan was pretty simple, we were going to lead Angelus to the office and then we would set a booby-trap so that the second he walked in, he would get shot with stakes from all directions, and he would get dusted. The hardest part would be luring him to the office. Fortunately, Giles and Willow both apparently had connections at Angel’s office at Wolfram and Hart, so we could team up with them, and we would be that much safer in case our Anikin would try anything. 

Speaking of Anakin, to talk my mind off things, I was walking down the street in Rome reading through a great new book! It was the seventh book, the newest released in the Star Wars book series and so far, it was amazing. It was called The Moment of Truth, and it was all about how Anakin was feeling a bummed about not being able to save someone, pretty ironic if you ask me since as Darth Vader he did so much bad, like yikes. But I could relate, when I was being controlled by the First Evil, and even before that with Warren and him killing Katrina. I wonder why it is that I always get- 

My thoughts were interrupted as I ran into a wall of man, no, it was Angel the Evil! Before I had time to react he punched me square in the nose and I passed out. 

****  
When I woke up , I was in a small stone chamber manacled to a wall. The floor and some of the walls were covered in blood. On the floor was shreds of clothes that I was sure were Dawn’s. Oh no, did he eat her, like all of her? Could vampires do that? My questions were never answered but interrupted as Angelus strode into the cell and without so much as a word, unshackled me and threw me over his shoulder. We walked into a bigger cell where I immediately noticed Spike chained to the floor and then saw Buffy chained up in the air. 

“Oh, bloody hell, what did you bring him here for?” asked Spike confused, and mostly annoyed , I thought. 

“Well, she's still just an itty-bitty fledge, she's still gotta eat. I figured we might as well get the most annoying of the people she knows out of the way.” 

I rolled my eyes. “I am so, not the most annoying, but regardless, um guys, what are you talking about? And what you mean she has to eat?” 

“Balls.” I heard Spike mutter mostly under his breath. “Are you really that thick, you sod? She's a bloody vampire now, and you're her next meal.” 

Oh, God. 

I passed out.


End file.
